Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Lass O' Richmond Hill

A big out-of-towner, the Lass still holds it's looks and furnishings of a traditional English pub, but unfortunately that's where the familiarity ends.  Many of the staff are Polish, one that served us had a look about him that if you so much as looked unsatisfied with your order, he'd wait until you left to go home, silently follow you out, then punch your stomach in half and calmly return to the bar as if nothing happened.  The tacky plastic Weatherspoon-style food menus don't do the place any favours either.
Apart from us, there was only about five other people.  Food was advertised to finish at 10pm but probably due to the lack of customers, the chef went home early.  At quarter past 10 we we asked to finish drinking up, no last orders, nothing.  Well rubbish.
A few minutes before we left, we witnessed group of teenagers come in off the street and head over to the cigarette machine.  Not able to get it working, they asked the barman if they could have some change.  Strangely he made a sarcastic joke about them being only 15 before happily handing over the change, even counting loudly in song as each coin was fed into the machine.  Soon after, he came over and explained to us he charges one fag every time he does this, quickly adding "they are my friends".  Wow, that makes it all okay then, carry on Mr Polish guy(!)
-Alex

Revisit - 09/11/2010
The polish barmen selling kids cigarettes have gone, the place has been refurbished and new owners have moved in.
Being one of the first opening nights there was a pub quiz on to entice the punters.  First prize was a £100 bar tab, second prize a bottle of wine.  Most amazing thing about it?  There were only three teams playing, including us.  Yeah we had a good chance but as luck would have it, we came bloody last as usual.  We did get a pot of nuts as a consolation prize though.
-Alex

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Real ale
Carpark
Amaretto & coke, coke, J20:

£7.02
Alex - 7.8 (was 6.5)
Dave - ? (was 4.3)
Oliver - ?

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

B@1 (Be At One)

This is a typical weekend 'get pissed quick' launchpad before you go to a club. For a Tuesday it was surprisingly busy. Four girls dancing to the overly loud music with their camera phones in one hand, unlit fags and cocktails in the other, a group of guys blankly staring at their glasses not understanding how they came to be empty, and a drunk 40 year old propping up the bar, ogling over the women.
The place is tiny, I don't want to imagine how sweaty and hot it gets in there at a weekend, although they do have a basement if you really hate oxygen. Upon entering we were greeted with an overly happy "Oh hey guys! How are you! How was your day!". Yeah great, I really want to make small talk over this deafening raucous - just get me a drink! The alcoholic drinks aren't cheap if you miss happy hour and the barman sucks, thinking it's cool to juggle an empty plastic cocktail shaker. Even a ham-handed monkey could do that.
Due to the high prices and unable to make conversation, we left after one and returned to here.
-Alex

This one probably shouldn't feature in our ‘Pub’ guide as it really is a bar/club than a pub/bar but it was in the list so we gave it a shot. It defiantly seems that the best time to come here is during their happy hour where its buy one get on free, because nearly £7 for a drink is a bit of a bank breaker for a Tuesday evening, on the plus side their non alcoholic drinks are reasonable if you happen to be the designated driver. We left after one round but purely because we could not afford a full night there without feeling like we should head on to a nightclub or something afterwards. Having passed this on a fri/sat evening I can vouch that it does get extremely busy and for their prices for happy hour at least I can totally see why!
-Andrew

Pub facilities / features:

Cocktails
Happy hour
Loud music
Zombie cocktail, orange juice:

£6.80 + £1.50
Alex - 6.2
Andrew - 6.9
Dave - 7.7
Oliver - 7.0

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

The White Swan

I loved this little pub, it is everything a pub should be.  Being located down a quiet lane nearest Twickenham Bridge, The White Swan is the place to go when you want to avoid all the riff-raff of the town centre.  There is little to disturb as you drink a pint of good old ale on the comfortable heated benches.  Good service comes with pair of gorgeous, friendly ladies.  A lot of emphasis seems to be put on their food, which I may come back and try at some point.  Strange to say it, but I hope it stays quiet and doesn't get ruined by any future popularity!
-Alex

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Real ale
Wine list
Outside seating

Pint of London Pride, coke, J20, 2x pork scratchings:


£8.10
Alex - 9.0
Dave - 7.6
Oliver - ?

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

The White Horse

Dear Mr W. Horse,
Thank you for your hospitality on Tuesday the 3rd. It's not often one gets to witness wonderfully pretentious, middle-class women discuss work, as they consume lettuce with a dainty fork. I never realised how much strife these women had to endure on a daily basis with their clients. It was rather upsetting to listen to.
The wonderful art dotted around your gastro is a sight to behold. My associate summed it up quite poignantly when I asked him what he thought of the Kate Moss picture by the window, bluntly saying - "Shut up, I don't give a sh*t", before continuing to consume his bag of Tesco doughnuts.
Having noticed your website says the staff are both 'fantastic' and 'lovely', I was a little disappointed in the reality. The faces I witnessed were showered with worry and discontent, perhaps someone of working-class calibre had inadvertently stumbled into the place? Worth looking into lest it happens again.
We ordered a few bags of your posh crisps and I must say they do have quite a unique taste. The favour of clay injected into dried frogs pallet is a secret recipe that should remain a secret for generations to come.
I'd like to say I'd come back again, but with you being located on such a ridiculous little road where the majority of cars are actually bigger than the houses, I am regretfully forced to reconsider - for fear of grazing my Bentley, of course.
Yours sincerely,
-Alex

A very fancy gastropub, basically it looks like someone came to an old traditional pub (as it looks from the outside) and turned it into half fancy restaurant and half after dinner bar. This didn't deter us form sitting on what was clearly a seat in the middle of the restaurant area for our drinks, however once the doughnuts came out we quickly relocated to a sofa area a bit further from the bar. Not to hide the doughnuts, just the sofas came free and looked more comfy.
Overall a very uneventful place and located where it is, it would have probably got more local trade had it remained more ‘pubby’ as it is surrounded by houses, its current layout is more designed for Richmond high street.
-Andrew

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Real ale
WiFi
Outside seating
Carpark of death
2x Amaretto & coke, orange juice & lemonade, J20:

£11.20
Alex - 4.5
Andrew - 5.2
Dave - 5.0
Oliver - 4.7