Tuesday, 23 February 2010

The Victoria

To those who want to own a pub, keep riff-raff out and still attract the pretentious who have more money than sense, here are some golden rules for you:
  • Place a random sculpture outside, to most it will look like a bronze turd, to your target market a beautiful work of art.
  • Have a 'magicians' curtain round the entrance, this will give your customer a feeling of amazement when they walk in.
  • Charge at least £5 for a liqueur, then put a service charge on it.
  • Leave posh sounding cookery books piled up to buy on a table and place a premium on the signed copies. Don't forget to place a random glass vase next to them.
  • All snacks must be served from jars and given out on a tiny dish. Again, don't forget the service charge.
  • Place at least two candles on each table.
  • Now and again, spend some time walking around loudly fluffing cushions.
  • Start a traditional wood fire. It doesn't matter if your flue is inadequate, your self-important customers will accept the clouds of wood smoke as something rather chic.
This place tries so hard to be something it's not. If I were in Mayfair, I'd expect stupid prices and good service. For a place based in a tiny backstreet in Sheen with below average staff it's a complete rip-off.
-Alex

Got here about half an hour before the others this evening but this may have been the fact that it is in the middle of suburbia, at one point I was expecting the road I was driving on to just....stop. unbelievably this place has to be the most expensive place we have been to in either the Richmond or Kingston pub guides, for a standard shot and mixer to be over £5 and then add a percentage charge to all food orders, including a tray of chilli bar snacks, this venue appears to think they are trading in the centre of the city not the outskirts of a suburb. Having a £16+ round when only one alcoholic drink out of 4 is being purchased is a definite deterrent from coming back here again, if you have a small island to mortgage then you probably could have this as your local, but otherwise I would recommend heading elsewhere.
-Andrew

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Wine menu
Real ale
WiFi
Outside seating
Amaretto & coke, pint of coke x2, orange juice, chilli snacks:

£16.35 (!)
Alex - 3.1
Andrew - 2.0
Dave - 3.6
Oliver - 4.0

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

The Plough

It's a quiet Tuesday, not many people to serve, but somehow we still had to wait until someone had finished telling his 'what do you call a blind deer?' joke to the barmaid before we were attended to. When we did get served, the Guinness was left half poured under the pump and she disappeared to fill up the dishwasher round the back. She did come back after 10 minutes and was confused to why we were staring, waiting with our coats still on. The barman wasn't much better, after ordering another round, he took our money and left the drinks behind the bar. It's a quiet Tuesday for god sake!
One thing did amuse me though were the menus. Black type printed on a black patterned background is a huge fail for those of us who like to use our eyes.
A nice comfortable pub with ordinary prices, it's just a shame the staff haven't got a clue.
-Alex

Having arrived quite late it was not long off me getting in a round at the rather modern looking pub. I was slightly bemused when after placing the order the barman disappeared, I assumed to pour out the drinks, and then reappear a few minuted later to take payment, after cash has exchanged hand he stood there waiting for the next customer not realising I was still waiting to be given the drinks I had just purchased and after a few seconds of eye contact and the whirring of bring cogs, he remembers only after I ask him if I could take the drinks back to the table. This may sound like a long winded moan about it but unfortunately the rest of the pub did not have much else that memorable, apart form a deceptive step on the way to the bathroom that I am sure had I had at least 6 or 7 more drinks, and alcoholic ones at that, I may well have stacked it. You have been warned!
-Andrew

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Real ale
Outside seating
Pint of Guinness, Amaretto & coke, J20:

£9.10
Alex - 6.6
Andrew - 7.0
Dave - 6.3
Oliver - 7.0

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Pig and Whistle

If you like your pubs full of blokes whom are into sports, you'll love the Pig and Whistle. Hordes of loud West-London middle-aged geezers drinking pints of larger, propping up the bar whilst cheering on football at every given opportunity. Impressive then the pub still manages to have an dry atmosphere.
Not being big fans of football we jumped on the quiz machine. We were given a simple question: 'Which of these numbers is a square root? A. 9 or B. 16'... now I'm no mathematician but when we picked answer B. we didn't expect a big fat Game Over sign to appear... what the f...? And quite difficult to prove if you wanted to contest it!
After the football ended we were left in an empty pub, with poker on the TV and some disgusting Big D pork scratchings. Probably won't be coming back.
-Alex

A very large open plan pub with a bar that spans the full length of the back wall, quick service was very welcomed. The website advertises a car park but after a certain time the gates are shut and your left to find a place on the street to park. Not an issue but if you advertise a car park, surely it should be open when the pub is. Not much happened to not this evening, just the general chit chat and catch up since last week, and apart form a mathematically challenged quiz machine I cannot think of a negative point for the pub itself, but then again I find it hard to find a remarkable positive point either.
-Andrew

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Real ale
WiFi
Carpark
Pint of coke x2, amaretto & coke, crisps x2:

£8.25
Alex - 4.8
Andrew - 6.5
Dave - 5.6
Oliver - 5.0