Tuesday, 23 February 2010

The Victoria

To those who want to own a pub, keep riff-raff out and still attract the pretentious who have more money than sense, here are some golden rules for you:
  • Place a random sculpture outside, to most it will look like a bronze turd, to your target market a beautiful work of art.
  • Have a 'magicians' curtain round the entrance, this will give your customer a feeling of amazement when they walk in.
  • Charge at least £5 for a liqueur, then put a service charge on it.
  • Leave posh sounding cookery books piled up to buy on a table and place a premium on the signed copies. Don't forget to place a random glass vase next to them.
  • All snacks must be served from jars and given out on a tiny dish. Again, don't forget the service charge.
  • Place at least two candles on each table.
  • Now and again, spend some time walking around loudly fluffing cushions.
  • Start a traditional wood fire. It doesn't matter if your flue is inadequate, your self-important customers will accept the clouds of wood smoke as something rather chic.
This place tries so hard to be something it's not. If I were in Mayfair, I'd expect stupid prices and good service. For a place based in a tiny backstreet in Sheen with below average staff it's a complete rip-off.

Got here about half an hour before the others this evening but this may have been the fact that it is in the middle of suburbia, at one point I was expecting the road I was driving on to just....stop. unbelievably this place has to be the most expensive place we have been to in either the Richmond or Kingston pub guides, for a standard shot and mixer to be over £5 and then add a percentage charge to all food orders, including a tray of chilli bar snacks, this venue appears to think they are trading in the centre of the city not the outskirts of a suburb. Having a £16+ round when only one alcoholic drink out of 4 is being purchased is a definite deterrent from coming back here again, if you have a small island to mortgage then you probably could have this as your local, but otherwise I would recommend heading elsewhere.

Pub facilities / features:

Food served
Bar snacks
Wine menu
Real ale
Outside seating
Amaretto & coke, pint of coke x2, orange juice, chilli snacks:

£16.35 (!)
Alex - 3.1
Andrew - 2.0
Dave - 3.6
Oliver - 4.0

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